7 Tips to Active Listening

12.04.2022

 

This post is for anyone who values another person enough to offer time to really listen to them. This is not just for professionals it’s for all of us who want better relationships and more understanding.

 

Life is full of distractions and our brains are adept at juggling competing needs, planning ahead, scanning the horizon and predicting the future - all at the same time and often whilst we are having a chat with someone.

 

Active listening is a step up from our usual shallow listening, the everyday listening. Active listening means you are there 100% with that person and you are not only listening to their words you are also hearing the intonation in their voice, the speed at which certain words are being said, and the emotion behind what is being said. 

1. Start by checking in with yourself, notice how you are, park any 'stuff' for later, and quieten any internal chatter.
2. When you are listening try just holding back a couple of seconds before speaking, even if you think it's really important. Give them the time to finish their sentences, allow pauses and allow them to think and compose their replies.
3. When someone is speaking slow your thoughts and internal reactions, let them go. You don't need to race in with the answer or a joke, it's OK to give them time to think.
4. Be curious. This is a different mindset from being nosey, ask questions, nod and check that you've heard correctly, you can try "have I heard you correctly, you said ....." and paraphrase or sum up. This not only shows you are trying your best to listen, but you are also checking your understanding and importantly it gives them the chance to correct you or confirm, either way, it's positive.
5. Notice your environment it will make a difference if you're being overheard or people are around, it will definitely make a difference to the speaker. Try and be somewhere quiet so you can give full attention and they can be really heard without concern of being overheard.
6. Try and listen without judgment, be open to what is being said. When we judge, make conclusions or evaluate what is being said we are distracted from being 100% present and listening.
7. Don't forget your body language, if you are making judgments, suddenly feel defensive or uncomfortable this will all leak out in your body language. This can influence the person talking and so you are not giving them 100% of your time at that moment.

It is a wonderful gift to be really listened to, to be given the opportunity to talk without interruption, advice or judgment and to offer such time to a friend, loved one or colleague can be transformative.

 

"The quality of a person's attention determines the quality of other people's thinking" Nancy Kline Time to Think

 

Photo thanks to Dario Valenzuela