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13.07.2022
We all have an inner voice - some days it may appear louder than others. What we hear all day every day has an impact on our work, our relationships, our happiness, and our overall well-being.
Imagine that voice in your head was your greatest cheerleader, encouraging you at every step of the way or offering compassionate words when things got tough. For most of us, that is not the case. Instead, our inner voice takes on a harsh tone, and tells us we’re not good enough or we should be doing more.
According to the National Science Foundation, we have between 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those, 80% are negative and 95% play on repeat. The repetitive nature of our minds means we hear those messages over and over and are not able to distinguish truth from falsity.
Establishing a better relationship with your inner voice helps prevent you from getting stuck in a spiral of negativity and enables you to empower yourself to do the things you want to do.
Here are 5 practices you can start today to befriend your inner voice: -
1. Build awareness - Spend time getting to know your inner voice by intentionally trying to understand it. Write down your answers to these questions:
2. Take a breath - It is common to get caught in the inner voice narrative and find yourself in fight, flight or freeze mode. When you notice your inner talk spiraling, pause and take a few deep breaths to gain space and settle your nervous system. The box breathing technique is very helpful for this; inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts - repeat.
3. Try compassion - Speak to yourself the way you would a friend. We have the tools to be compassionate, but we forget to use them on ourselves. When you witness your inner voice being overly critical; stop, breathe and think ‘what would I say to a friend right now?’. Intentionally replace your inner critic voice, with the new compassionate message.
4. Look for the facts - A lot of the time your inner voice ruminates over past events (‘If only I’d done such and such) or writes stories for the future (‘When I get x I’ll be y’, or ‘I can’t possibly do that because then…’). It rarely speaks the truth. Focus on the facts; what is the reality? Where is the evidence? What experience do you have? What are your strengths? Look at the results you’ve delivered. What feedback have you received before?
5. Reframe your negative self-talk - ‘I’ll never be able to….’ keeps us firmly where we are. It prevents us from taking chances, applying for the job, changing careers, speaking up in meetings, stepping out of our comfort zone, or even having more fun. ‘I have before and I will again’ ‘I am resourceful and I will learn’ are much more freeing, hopeful and truthful narratives. Apply a reframe to open up possibilities.
The role of the inner voice is to keep us safe, and protected from danger. The intensity and tone of the inner voice, however, isn’t always helpful and keeps us stuck, or worse, falls into self-sabotage. Start to rewire your inner voice to be more empowering, freeing and supportive.
And don’t forget to celebrate successes frequently - our brains are attuned to focus on what we haven’t done, what more there is to do, and the skills we don’t have. Practice retraining your mind to look for the positives, the successes - big and small - professional and personal. Recalling successes and the role you played in achieving them helps see the positive, demonstrate the evidence and reframe negative talk.
Gemma Brown
Personal and business coach
gemmabrowncoaching.co.uk
